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Damsel in Distress (A Shaggy Tale)

By Jason Dias

A Knight Errant was riding the countryside, looking for a damsel to rescue. He came across a tall tower in the marsh -- a likely looking place, he thought. He rode up to the outer wall and called out, "Hail the tower!"

To the Knight's delight, a young maiden came to the highest window and called down, "Brave Sir Knight, I am the Lady Penny, of Brightmoor Downs. Have you come to rescue me?"

"Yes, my Lady. Who holds you prisoner here?"

The maiden replied, "It is but a trifle for you, Sir Knight. Two ogres guard the door, a giant spider sits athwart the stairs, and the deaf wizard Murble awaits outside my door."

Seeing the knight's face turning paler with each sentence, she continued, "But there is a reward for the man who frees me from this tower!"

"Well," the Knight thought to himself, "this is what I've been waiting for, and there IS a reward - horses and armor aren't cheap these days."

And with that, he charged the tower, breaking in the door with the weight of his horse and surprising the ogres within. He slew them quickly, and charged up the stairs, the echo of horse's hooves on the stone sounding like thunder. He battled the great spider for an hour, losing his trusty steed in the process, and wearily climbed to the top of the tower, where the deaf wizard Murble awaited.

Murble began to incant, but lost his head before he could finish his work, and the Knight victoriously broke down the door to Penny's cell.

"You are free to go, my Lady," said the Knight, proudly. "I have vanquished the evil denizens of this place."

"Brave Sir Knight, you have done well. And now for your reward." With that, she reached into her bodice and pulled out a single copper penny.

"A penny?!" exclaimed the Knight. "My horse alone was worth twenty pounds!"

The young damsel replied, demurely, "Well, a Penny saved is a penny earned."

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